


Hang in There

by LastWill



Series: LastWill's Batjokes [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Batjokes, Fellatio, M/M, Violence, the giggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:21:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21775111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LastWill/pseuds/LastWill
Summary: The Joker has Batman right where he wants him, completely at his mercy.
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Bruce Wayne
Series: LastWill's Batjokes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571359
Comments: 15
Kudos: 121





	Hang in There

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the comic, "If the Suit Fits" written by Andy Kubert. I loosely borrowed the concept and made it my own. 
> 
> Mine has Batjokes.

Something cold and sharp, like metal, was being drawn in long, slow circles across Batman's face. It ran over his chin and then traced his jaw, looping right in the back of his ear and over his brow. His eyes fluttered open and he groaned, there was a terrible pressure in his head.

His eyes snapped open- he was upside-down, chained tightly and swaying softly as The Joker caressed his face with a crowbar.

“Hiya, Spooky,” Joker greeted him with a red-lipped grin.

“...Hi,” Batman grunted.

“Big Mike said Warehouse Three was just bristling with vermin, and ooooo, did I find a big, fat, rat with wings!” Joker said, twirling the crowbar in his hand. “How many whacks do you think it’ll take to get rid of my pest problem? I never do keep count.”

“Joker, you don’t have to do this,” Batman urged.

“Oh but I do, if daddy doesn’t  _ spank _ ,” Joker said, hitting a crowbar against his hand threateningly. “Then the kiddos run amok- and I can’t have you and your little misfit rodents thinking you can spoil my profits by chewing through the locks to my private storages!” he shouted angrily.

Batman felt the blood rushing to his head, the Joker had strung him up some time ago, judging by the way his head swam.

“Let’s see,” Joker mused, stepping closer. “If I crush something in that bat-belt, we could go kablooie,” he laughed. “Probably should avoid it.”

The Joker swung his crowbar and it hit Batman’s spine- thankfully his armor took the brunt of it, but it was with enough force to knock the wind out of him. Joker seemed delighted with Batman’s sharp grunt, it was apparent he was under the madman’s control.

Instead of another swing, Batman felt a tugging at his utility belt; Joker was searching for the release to get his tools off him. He didn’t doubt his foe had full intentions to beat him to death if he was caught up enough in the moment. Batman pushed all thoughts aside of how Jason may have felt at the end of his life and focused on coming up with a plan. A harried idea came to him, one worth trying if it meant a chance of getting free, but it meant ingratiating himself. Swallowing his pride, Batman craned his head forward and began to kiss the crotch of Joker’s pants enthusiastically.

“Woah- hey-!” Joker cried. Batman made sure not to miss a beat as he made-out with the vibrant purple fabric. “Trying to sweet-talk yourself out of this? That’s low. And ...new,” he added, confused.

Despite the Joker’s insult Batman noticed he hadn’t stepped away. He could sense the intrigue, the hesitation, and it finally his efforts paid off as the Joker laid down the crowbar against a wooden palate so he could use both hands to undo his fly. Batman saw lime-green underwear being pulled down to free a pale pink erection.

“Starving for a nibble, huh? Then eat it, you filthy animal,” Joker mocked him.

Batman made a show of opening his mouth, the Joker was all too eager to pop his erection in, nearly shoving the entire shaft down Batman’s throat. He tried not to gag as he pulled back, sucking.

“Oh...wow...is there anything you’re not good at?” Joker groaned as Batman’s mouth worked on him. “God it’s so-  _ annoying _ ...if it didn’t feel so grand I’d be very cross with you right now,” he said, throwing back his head. “Hey- maybe you’ll be  _ even better _ at this if I knock your teeth out, hee hee!”

Batman didn’t allow the threat to derail him, instead he took a deep breath and deep-throated the penis all the way down to the hilt, his nose buried in the Joker’s balls and pubic hair.

“Oh... fuck!” Joker exclaimed in a guttural cry as Batman lingered, his tongue lapping with vigor. “You’re really committed to popping me off, aren’t you?” Joker moaned. He rubbed his fingers over Batman’s groin. “Is this a chubster or your jockstrap?” he asked.

Batman hit his limit, he pulled off and took a deep breath, resisting the urge to cough. 

“Why don’t you take a look and find out?” Batman replied, catching his breath.

“Maybe, maybe I will,” Joker said. “Honk-honk! Hee hee…” he giggled, squeezing Batman’s privates. “Hey, what’s the hold-up down there? Don’t stop now, keep going.”

“I can’t continue, I’m passing out,” Batman told him.

The Joker’s eyes narrowed and he ran his tongue over his teeth.

“Alright, you’ve earned a stay of execution,” Joker informed him cheerfully.

Batman swang as he watched Joker hold up his pants with one hand and cross the warehouse in an awkward skip to reach a rudimentary control panel on the wall. After pressing a button the hook was lowered; Batman leaned forwards and rolled onto his back as he was placed on the cement ground.

The Joker ran over to Batman and hooked his fingers in his pants, utility belt included, and began to wildly yank them down. It seemed tonight’s plan to beat him to death had been delayed (or scrapped completely) to satiate the sexual appetite of his oftentimes-foe, sometimes-boyfriend.

Batman’s belt and pants got caught on his hips but the Joker didn’t seem to care as he wrenched them down in a frenzy, slips of naked skin showing until the Dark Knight’s pants and belt bunched tightly at his knees. The Joker was feasting on the sight, staring at Batman’s half-hard prick with triumph.

“It must be humiliating to need one last hurrah before kicking the bucket!” Joker giggled.

“It’s more than that,” Batman spoke carefully. He was thankful the pressure in his head was no longer crushing him, though he found himself in no less of a compromising position. “I’ve been looking to reconnect with you for a while.”

“...Because you’re sweet on me,” Joker said, watching him closely.

Batman nodded slowly.

Joker seemed to be thinking this over as he licked his bottom lip. 

“Fine. “You’re off the hook- for now!” Joker said. “We’ll have sex since you’re soooo needy, then we’ll continue our deadly  _ tete-a-tete _ .”

“Fair enough,” Batman replied.

It was then that The Joker slapped his hands on both of Batman’s cheeks and smooched him noisily on the lips. 

“Mwah!” Joker proclaimed, pulling away from the kiss. “Ooo, what a man! I forgot how lovely it was to kiss those sad, brooding, lips.”

“And I forget what it’s like to hold you in my arms,” Batman said. He made a show of struggling against his chains and giving up. “It’s difficult to be intimate with these restrictions.”

“Oh Jeez-us, that’s embarrassing. Are you really trying to ‘seduce your way out’?” Joker scoffed. “You’ve done this to escape-trick before, haven’t you? Tell me the truth- if I find out you’ve batted your lashes at anyone else I’ll take a bat to them!” he raged, shouting in Batman’s face. 

“It’s not an act, there’s no one else I’ve been with, you should know that no one compares to you,” Batman replied.

The Joker raised a critical brow and swept his gaze over Batman’s naked form.

“Oh, it’s just impossible for me to stay mad at you,” Joker purred with a mischievous glint in his eye. “Enough pillow-talk, time to give daddy some sugar...” he rasped in a malicious tone.

Batman had seen that look before, it was one of the Joker's ‘tells’, an expression he made just before The Joker became violent. There could be any number of punishments for Batman for making his pursuer jealous, from biting his lip clean-through during a kiss or a face-full of acid. Maybe even death.

The Joker was dipping his head lower, their lips were almost touching. At the last second Joker turned his head- and licked Batman wetly from chin to eyeball. It was a gross feeling, and Joker laughed hysterically as Batman grimaced.

“Your face! You were  _ so scared _ !” Joker boomed before a fresh batch of hysterical laughter.

The Joker was toying with him, it was harmless for now, but that playfulness could easily turn into violence at any second. Batman let out a deep sigh.

“Ok, ok,” Joker wheezed in between laughs. He cleared his throat. “Come here, baby,” he said in a deep voice before slapping his hands over his mouth, trying to stifle another wave of sniggering in vain.

God, the lunatic had  _ the giggles _ and it was worse than his usual. Batman found It made it leagues more difficult figuring out a way to plan an exit from his predicament with a hyena tittering in his ear.

“Joker,” Batman sighed.

“I know, I’ll stop,” Joker promised. “Ok,” he said clapping his hands together loudly. “Let’s get physical!” he said, sliding himself down to Batman’s middle. “Aw, you’re limp. Did I scare you that much?”

“It’s the cold air,” Batman said, wiggling in his chains. Since the Joker wasn’t going to set him free it was imperative he find something himself to escape.

“Riiiight,” Joker scoffed. “Don’t worry, I can heat things up!”

Trust is something you absolutely should have with someone who has your dick in their mouth, and that was something Batman definitely did not have with The Joker. Batman fought to keep a clear head when teeth scraped against his prick as it slipped down his rival’s throat.

“Careful-!” Batman grunted, clenching. 

Of all the injuries to go back to Alfred with this was not one he wanted to have. He supposed he could show up to an emergency room claiming some overzealous bimbo had gone wild on him, but he didn’t want Bruce Wayne to have that injury tied to his reputation either. 

The Joker was probably antagonizing him on purpose, because after the initial teeth-scrape the blowjob was rather titillating. Not only was he proving his endurance as he seldom stopped for a rest, but he had removed a glove to gently massage Batman’s balls. It was such a nice feeling that he almost forgot he was trying to escape.

Almost. He spotted Nightwing’s gobsmacked, horrified expression in the corner of the room and escaping suddenly became much more urgent. He could see very clearly Dick’s face was flushing scarlett before turning a sickly white.

“Hey-” Nightwing started. 

Batman frowned. Meekly protesting wasn’t any sort of strategy. Joker released him and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, a gesture that Nightwing looked would make him vomit. That look would forever be a memory.

“Don’t just stand there!” Batman growled.

“Sorry, I- I didn’t train for this,” Nightwing apologized.

“Restrain him!” Batman shouted furiously, snapping Nightwing out of his shock.

The Joker was on his feet, he had kicked off his pants and held zero shame for his pantsless state he dove for the crowbar set against the palate and armed himself. Nightwing squared off with the clown and pulled a face.

“Are you blind? Didn’t you see the sock on the doorknob?” Joker sneered.

“I wish I was blind _right_ _now_ ,” Nightwing admitted.

“Wish granted!” Joker laughed, flinging the crowbar with amazing speed at his face.

Nightwing had anticipated The Joker would swing the weapon at him, not throw it at him. He dodged out of the way too late and the force of the heavy crowbar came down on his deflecting wrist, causing a sickening crack and a clatter to ring out as the weapon bounced on the ground. Despite the injury Nightwing got the upper-hand by using his good hand to tumble just behind the Joker and sweep his legs from under him.

The Joker fell to the floor and Dick grabbed him by the hair, slamming the back of his head into the cement until the Joker was unconscious.

“Hurry, the key is probably in one of Joker's pockets,” Batman said. Nightwing looked around the room, clearly avoiding looking at Bruce. “His pants are over here, Dick.”

“Right,” Nightwing mumbled. He walked with his head down and snatched the purple trousers off the floor, turning his back away from Batman. “So do you want me to cover him first or-”

“Free me first, then worry about him,” Batman replied stiffly.

Dick didn’t expect a ‘thank you’.

* * *

There were many different versions of the Batmobile, Nightwing was forever thankful the model Bruce had driven that night had a holding pen in the trunk to imprison rogues and undesirables. Even though the Joker was unconscious, Dick didn’t want the insane clown in the car cab with him …for obvious reasons.

He had tried several times to come up with something to say but nothing sounded right. Finally unable to take the silence, Dick spoke up.

“So...are we going to talk about what happened?” Nightwing asked.

“Your wrist is broken, Alfred will make sure it’ll set straight,” Batman replied, keeping his eyes on the road.

“...Can  _ you _ set something straight for me?” Nightwing asked.

“No,” Batman replied, his tone heavy with warning.

Dick cleared his throat and licked his lips. 

“It’s just,” Nightwing started, hesitantly. “We’ve known The Joker for a long time and he’s never crossed that line before-”

“-If there’s anything pressing you need help with in Bludhaven I can ask Tim to assist you,” Batman interrupted him.

“I want to be here for you, Bruce,” Dick said, unwilling to be deterred. “Unwanted touching from that monster-”

“It wasn’t necessarily unwanted,” Batman replied. 

Nightwing’s pitying disposition, which Bruce could barely tolerate, switched into something a lot more familiar- panic.

“Did I hear what you- was that- what did you say?” Dick stuttered in alarm.

“It’s upsetting,” Batman acknowledged. “which is why I forbid you to speak of what you saw tonight.”

“This isn’t some power-play to rise above Joker raping you, is it?” Nightwing asked. 

Batman grit his teeth, of course Dick was trying to rationalize the situation.

“You kept pushing me for answers,” Batman reminded him. “Now you have it. Learn your lesson and mind your own business.”

Nightwing sank into his seat, staring out the window in a daze.

“Christ, Bruce,” Dick said above a whisper. “He’s-”

“I know better than anyone what ‘he is’,” Batman said, careful to remain stoic. “He’s also on his way to Arkham Asylum. My principles haven’t been compromised, now drop it.”

Fat chance.

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Smutfics, you guys.


End file.
